moonlite_tryst (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
moonlite_tryst) wrote2006-11-10 02:20 am
moonlite_tryst) wrote2006-11-10 02:20 am
Entry tags:
A Bitter Pill to Swallow - Parte the last (yay!)
For those of you who have been waiting patiently for the complete fic, I hope it was worth it.
Title: A Bitter Pill to Swallow (6/6)
Author: Me!![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lusiology
Pairing: HP/DM
Genre: Angst!!!
Disclaimer: No ownership, no money
Word count: 1924 (fic total 7519 - OMG!)
Beta:dacro *smooches* and saladbatswho spent most of her trip to the UK listening to me wibble about this.
Summary: Harry is a leader, hero, loyal friend and lover. Harry is also exceedingly jealous of Draco, which has consequences for everyone.
Concrit is welcomed and appreciated
Earlier parts found here.
Harry gasped when he saw the state Draco was in. Gone was the tall, proud man he had known. In his place stood someone that reminded Harry of a wraith, pale and gaunt, with smoke-matted hair and dark circles under his eyes - eyes that spoke to Harry of pain and suffering.
“Draco,” Harry finally whispered, “you’re here.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Where did you expect me to be?” Draco replied. His tone was cool, neutral, giving nothing away. “Cowering in some corner of the world with my tail between my legs?”
“No. I meant here in this room. I didn’t think it would be so easy to find you.”
Draco raised his chin slightly and regarded Harry with disdain. “So, instead of getting out to safety, you came back looking for me. Why?” he sneered. “I can only imagine it’s to punish me for my treachery, or kill me for it.”
“No! I… I came back to find you, to get you away from here and… and beg your forgiveness,” he blurted out before his courage failed him.
“Really,” Draco deadpanned. My forgiveness. Is that the best ruse you could come up with to get me to surrender? I’m disappointed in you, Harry. Mind you, with your recent track record I shouldn’t be surprised, now should I?” Harry winced at the barb. “And don’t insult my intelligence by telling me this cosy get together is because of some misplaced concern for my welfare. I seem to recall that you were not in the least bit interested in me or my well being the last time we met. In fact…”
“Draco, please!” The last thing Harry wanted was a verbal sparring match. “I don’t want to fight with you any more. I was wrong, out of control. I didn’t mean to hurt you like that - treat you like that. I just couldn’t stop myself. Every time I looked at you something possessed me, twisting me inside so I couldn’t think straight, telling me to make you suffer the way I was. Draco, you must believe me.”
Harry hung his head and murmured, “I still love you.”
Draco regarded Harry coolly for a moment before he spoke. “Then prove it. Lower your wand.”
Harry looked up at Draco, his eyes betraying the uncertainty he was trying so hard to hide. His actions since he’d duped Remus in the tunnel had been driven by an overwhelming need, a compulsion to seek Draco out regardless of the rationality of the motivation, and now it was probably going to end in his death.
Harry’s heart thudded in his chest, pulsing life through his body, rich and red. He slowly lowered his arm and dropped his wand. It clattered on the tiled floor, a harsh unforgiving sound. Draco’s expression was unreadable, his position unmoved - wand still pointing firmly at Harry’s heart.
The silence between them stretched out unbearably as they continued to watch each other. Finally, Harry spoke. “I know I don’t have the right, but please, Draco, please don’t hand me over to him. Do it yourself. I deserve no less for the hell I’ve put you through.” Draco’s eyes widened as Harry closed his and sank to his knees, waiting for oblivion.
“Is that what you think?” Draco rasped, “You think I want to kill you?” There was a scrape of boot and a rustle of cloth. Harry opened his eyes to see Draco kneeling before him, his wand nowhere in sight. Draco stretched out his hand and lightly stroked Harry’s cheek with rough fingertips. “I’ve never wanted to kill you,” he said softly.
Harry frowned. “But you went to him.”
“Where was I supposed to go? Everything that defined me, my life before you and the Order had been left behind. I had no home, no money, no family or friends, and I certainly couldn’t stay here with everyone’s cloying sympathy and pitying looks. I thought I’d be able to blend into the ranks after he had punished me sufficiently for leaving the fold and watch out for you. Unfortunately for us all, I was wrong.”
Harry choked back a sob as he reached out and tentatively touched the back of Draco’s hand. “Fuck, Draco, I’m so sorry. Did he…?”
“Cruciatus? Frequently, to weaken my resistance to his Legilimency. I expected him to try and find some weakness, something about you. I didn’t know he had discovered a way to break through a Secret Keeper’s oath by putting some sort of Tracking Spell onto a memory of the location he was looking for. Lucky for me it only worked if the Secret Keeper was alive.” Draco looked into Harry’s eyes. “I made a mistake, a colossal mistake. Because of me innocent people are dead.”
Harry reached out and cupped Draco’s face gently in his hands. “This is not your fault. It’s mine, Draco, all mine. I was the one who set everything in motion. I realised that once I’d had some time away from you but then it was too late, you’d already left, disappeared. You did what I asked of you. You deserved better from me. Those who died here today deserved better from me. Can you forgive me? I doubt they ever will.”
Tears spilled down Harry’s cheeks full of remorse and grief. Draco raised his hands meaning to wipe them away and console Harry with words of forgiveness and love but a soft chime echoing around them stopped him. “What…”
“Someone’s trying to disable the Locking Charms I put on the door. You must go now, Harry.”
“No! I’m not going without you.”
A second chime echoed, only louder this time. Draco gripped Harry by the shoulders of his robe and hauled him to his feet. “One of the locks has been broken through. You don’t have time to argue. You must go. Now!”
Harry grabbed Draco’s forearms, his fingers digging in painfully. “I’m not leaving you here with them. I’ll fight them if necessary.”
“No, you won’t. There are too many of them.” Draco began to pull Harry toward the store room. “Now move, you stupid bastard. I’m trying to save your life!”
Harry suddenly found the strength to swing Draco round and push him against the store room door. He kissed him fiercely. Draco yielded to Harry’s kiss, pulling him closer and wrapping his arms around him. A third chime filled the lobby.
Harry broke the kiss and pinned Draco to the door with the weight of his body, speaking urgently, “Now, listen to me, Draco Malfoy. My life is worth nothing, nothing without you and I am not leaving here unless you do.”
Draco regarded Harry for several moments. “There’s only one more lock. I suppose that means we’d better go.” For the first time in weeks, Harry’s face broke into a broad grin.
Together they made their way to the passageway entrance, casting Bubble-Head charms before stepping into the unbreathable atmosphere. Once the wall had slid into place behind them, they both cast a strong Lumos to ease their flight down the passageway to the Apparition point. The journey through the damaged and smoke-filled tunnel was arduous at the speed they were travelling, but they managed it with only a few scrapes and bruises.
Once again Harry felt the comforting tingle of magic as they closed in on the Apparition point. Draco dissolved his Bubble-Head charm and motioned for Harry to do the same. He cast Protego to shield them from the fumes then turned to Harry. “You never asked me why I was in the rear lobby.”
“I assumed you were looking for me.”
“That’s partly the reason.” He raised his wand and pointed it toward Harry.
Harry could only gape in shock. He remembered Remus’ words I don’t want to be caught like a rat in this bloody tunnel. Well he was caught – caught out by Draco’s duplicity.
“I was checking to see if you had already gone into the tunnel to the Apparition point, and then I was going to destroy the entrance way, sealing it forever so the Death eaters would not find Grimmauld Place.”
Harry’s eyes narrowed as the ramification of Draco’s words finally hit home.
“You’re not coming with me are you? You never intended to come with me,” he accused. “Why, Draco? Why lie to me like that, giving me false hope?”
Draco put both his hands on Harry’s shoulders and pulled Harry toward him until their foreheads touched, then wrapped his arms around Harry’s back. Harry followed suit. “I love you, Harry. Never doubt that. I’ve always loved you, but too many people have died because of our…”
“No! That’s…”
Draco placed a finger on Harry’s mouth. “Shhhhh. You know it’s true. Did anyone else escape?”
Harry nodded. “Remus and Hermione.”
“You can rest assured they will have told everyone else. In fact I’m surprised they’re not here now to defend you.”
“I sealed the shield from this side after I’d sent Remus through so I could look for you. They wouldn’t be able to get back.”
“There’s no place for me with the Order now, no matter how many times you tell them it was your fault, and I have no intention of roaming the world a poor, embittered and lonely man. If the dead come knocking on the door of your dreams, Harry, as they will mine, will you deny them rest?”
Harry’s hands moved to wind themselves tightly in the coarse fabric of Draco’s cloak and he lifted his head to look into Draco’s eyes. “You know sometimes at night, when we were staying at that cottage in the Highlands, I used to lie beside you, watching you in the moonlight. You looked like some ethereal being – an angel, and I knew then that I wouldn’t be allowed to keep you. I always lose the people I love.”
Draco considered him in silence for several moments and then said, "If I can, I will come to you after the war, when everything has settled down. Wherever you are in the world, Harry, I will find you."
Harry looked at Draco, his once beautiful face taught with pain. “Is this more false hope?”
“No. It’s a promise.”
“Kiss me.”
Draco tilted his head and as their eyes closed, their lips met in a soft, gentle kiss full of love and forgiveness. Once they parted, Harry completed the Runes, stepped through the shield and Apparated without looking back.
~*
Hermione was making a pot of tea in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place while Remus and the others waited anxiously for Harry - it had only been a little over half an hour since they had parted. She heard the crack of Apparition and ran up into the hall. Harry was slumped against a wall, alone.
“Harry’s back!” she shouted in excitement. The other members present fell over themselves to get to him, whooping with cheering in jubilation. It was several moments before they realised that the man they were dancing around was sobbing uncontrollably.
~*~
Draco stood in the smoke-filled gloom for a moment in quiet contemplation. The temptation to follow Harry was strong, but he needed to resist and finish the job he’d set out to do. Several complex spells later the Apparition shield collapsed in on itself and vanished. The departure point was sealed.
Draco turned to walk back along the passageway without the Bubble-Head Charm. Let Fate roll her dice and decide the outcome; he was too tired to care.
~Fin~
If you liked this, try the Epilogue.
Title: A Bitter Pill to Swallow (6/6)
Author: Me!
lusiologyPairing: HP/DM
Genre: Angst!!!
Disclaimer: No ownership, no money
Word count: 1924 (fic total 7519 - OMG!)
Beta:
dacro *smooches* and saladbatswho spent most of her trip to the UK listening to me wibble about this.Summary: Harry is a leader, hero, loyal friend and lover. Harry is also exceedingly jealous of Draco, which has consequences for everyone.
Concrit is welcomed and appreciated
Earlier parts found here.
Harry gasped when he saw the state Draco was in. Gone was the tall, proud man he had known. In his place stood someone that reminded Harry of a wraith, pale and gaunt, with smoke-matted hair and dark circles under his eyes - eyes that spoke to Harry of pain and suffering.
“Draco,” Harry finally whispered, “you’re here.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Where did you expect me to be?” Draco replied. His tone was cool, neutral, giving nothing away. “Cowering in some corner of the world with my tail between my legs?”
“No. I meant here in this room. I didn’t think it would be so easy to find you.”
Draco raised his chin slightly and regarded Harry with disdain. “So, instead of getting out to safety, you came back looking for me. Why?” he sneered. “I can only imagine it’s to punish me for my treachery, or kill me for it.”
“No! I… I came back to find you, to get you away from here and… and beg your forgiveness,” he blurted out before his courage failed him.
“Really,” Draco deadpanned. My forgiveness. Is that the best ruse you could come up with to get me to surrender? I’m disappointed in you, Harry. Mind you, with your recent track record I shouldn’t be surprised, now should I?” Harry winced at the barb. “And don’t insult my intelligence by telling me this cosy get together is because of some misplaced concern for my welfare. I seem to recall that you were not in the least bit interested in me or my well being the last time we met. In fact…”
“Draco, please!” The last thing Harry wanted was a verbal sparring match. “I don’t want to fight with you any more. I was wrong, out of control. I didn’t mean to hurt you like that - treat you like that. I just couldn’t stop myself. Every time I looked at you something possessed me, twisting me inside so I couldn’t think straight, telling me to make you suffer the way I was. Draco, you must believe me.”
Harry hung his head and murmured, “I still love you.”
Draco regarded Harry coolly for a moment before he spoke. “Then prove it. Lower your wand.”
Harry looked up at Draco, his eyes betraying the uncertainty he was trying so hard to hide. His actions since he’d duped Remus in the tunnel had been driven by an overwhelming need, a compulsion to seek Draco out regardless of the rationality of the motivation, and now it was probably going to end in his death.
Harry’s heart thudded in his chest, pulsing life through his body, rich and red. He slowly lowered his arm and dropped his wand. It clattered on the tiled floor, a harsh unforgiving sound. Draco’s expression was unreadable, his position unmoved - wand still pointing firmly at Harry’s heart.
The silence between them stretched out unbearably as they continued to watch each other. Finally, Harry spoke. “I know I don’t have the right, but please, Draco, please don’t hand me over to him. Do it yourself. I deserve no less for the hell I’ve put you through.” Draco’s eyes widened as Harry closed his and sank to his knees, waiting for oblivion.
“Is that what you think?” Draco rasped, “You think I want to kill you?” There was a scrape of boot and a rustle of cloth. Harry opened his eyes to see Draco kneeling before him, his wand nowhere in sight. Draco stretched out his hand and lightly stroked Harry’s cheek with rough fingertips. “I’ve never wanted to kill you,” he said softly.
Harry frowned. “But you went to him.”
“Where was I supposed to go? Everything that defined me, my life before you and the Order had been left behind. I had no home, no money, no family or friends, and I certainly couldn’t stay here with everyone’s cloying sympathy and pitying looks. I thought I’d be able to blend into the ranks after he had punished me sufficiently for leaving the fold and watch out for you. Unfortunately for us all, I was wrong.”
Harry choked back a sob as he reached out and tentatively touched the back of Draco’s hand. “Fuck, Draco, I’m so sorry. Did he…?”
“Cruciatus? Frequently, to weaken my resistance to his Legilimency. I expected him to try and find some weakness, something about you. I didn’t know he had discovered a way to break through a Secret Keeper’s oath by putting some sort of Tracking Spell onto a memory of the location he was looking for. Lucky for me it only worked if the Secret Keeper was alive.” Draco looked into Harry’s eyes. “I made a mistake, a colossal mistake. Because of me innocent people are dead.”
Harry reached out and cupped Draco’s face gently in his hands. “This is not your fault. It’s mine, Draco, all mine. I was the one who set everything in motion. I realised that once I’d had some time away from you but then it was too late, you’d already left, disappeared. You did what I asked of you. You deserved better from me. Those who died here today deserved better from me. Can you forgive me? I doubt they ever will.”
Tears spilled down Harry’s cheeks full of remorse and grief. Draco raised his hands meaning to wipe them away and console Harry with words of forgiveness and love but a soft chime echoing around them stopped him. “What…”
“Someone’s trying to disable the Locking Charms I put on the door. You must go now, Harry.”
“No! I’m not going without you.”
A second chime echoed, only louder this time. Draco gripped Harry by the shoulders of his robe and hauled him to his feet. “One of the locks has been broken through. You don’t have time to argue. You must go. Now!”
Harry grabbed Draco’s forearms, his fingers digging in painfully. “I’m not leaving you here with them. I’ll fight them if necessary.”
“No, you won’t. There are too many of them.” Draco began to pull Harry toward the store room. “Now move, you stupid bastard. I’m trying to save your life!”
Harry suddenly found the strength to swing Draco round and push him against the store room door. He kissed him fiercely. Draco yielded to Harry’s kiss, pulling him closer and wrapping his arms around him. A third chime filled the lobby.
Harry broke the kiss and pinned Draco to the door with the weight of his body, speaking urgently, “Now, listen to me, Draco Malfoy. My life is worth nothing, nothing without you and I am not leaving here unless you do.”
Draco regarded Harry for several moments. “There’s only one more lock. I suppose that means we’d better go.” For the first time in weeks, Harry’s face broke into a broad grin.
Together they made their way to the passageway entrance, casting Bubble-Head charms before stepping into the unbreathable atmosphere. Once the wall had slid into place behind them, they both cast a strong Lumos to ease their flight down the passageway to the Apparition point. The journey through the damaged and smoke-filled tunnel was arduous at the speed they were travelling, but they managed it with only a few scrapes and bruises.
Once again Harry felt the comforting tingle of magic as they closed in on the Apparition point. Draco dissolved his Bubble-Head charm and motioned for Harry to do the same. He cast Protego to shield them from the fumes then turned to Harry. “You never asked me why I was in the rear lobby.”
“I assumed you were looking for me.”
“That’s partly the reason.” He raised his wand and pointed it toward Harry.
Harry could only gape in shock. He remembered Remus’ words I don’t want to be caught like a rat in this bloody tunnel. Well he was caught – caught out by Draco’s duplicity.
“I was checking to see if you had already gone into the tunnel to the Apparition point, and then I was going to destroy the entrance way, sealing it forever so the Death eaters would not find Grimmauld Place.”
Harry’s eyes narrowed as the ramification of Draco’s words finally hit home.
“You’re not coming with me are you? You never intended to come with me,” he accused. “Why, Draco? Why lie to me like that, giving me false hope?”
Draco put both his hands on Harry’s shoulders and pulled Harry toward him until their foreheads touched, then wrapped his arms around Harry’s back. Harry followed suit. “I love you, Harry. Never doubt that. I’ve always loved you, but too many people have died because of our…”
“No! That’s…”
Draco placed a finger on Harry’s mouth. “Shhhhh. You know it’s true. Did anyone else escape?”
Harry nodded. “Remus and Hermione.”
“You can rest assured they will have told everyone else. In fact I’m surprised they’re not here now to defend you.”
“I sealed the shield from this side after I’d sent Remus through so I could look for you. They wouldn’t be able to get back.”
“There’s no place for me with the Order now, no matter how many times you tell them it was your fault, and I have no intention of roaming the world a poor, embittered and lonely man. If the dead come knocking on the door of your dreams, Harry, as they will mine, will you deny them rest?”
Harry’s hands moved to wind themselves tightly in the coarse fabric of Draco’s cloak and he lifted his head to look into Draco’s eyes. “You know sometimes at night, when we were staying at that cottage in the Highlands, I used to lie beside you, watching you in the moonlight. You looked like some ethereal being – an angel, and I knew then that I wouldn’t be allowed to keep you. I always lose the people I love.”
Draco considered him in silence for several moments and then said, "If I can, I will come to you after the war, when everything has settled down. Wherever you are in the world, Harry, I will find you."
Harry looked at Draco, his once beautiful face taught with pain. “Is this more false hope?”
“No. It’s a promise.”
“Kiss me.”
Draco tilted his head and as their eyes closed, their lips met in a soft, gentle kiss full of love and forgiveness. Once they parted, Harry completed the Runes, stepped through the shield and Apparated without looking back.
~*
Hermione was making a pot of tea in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place while Remus and the others waited anxiously for Harry - it had only been a little over half an hour since they had parted. She heard the crack of Apparition and ran up into the hall. Harry was slumped against a wall, alone.
“Harry’s back!” she shouted in excitement. The other members present fell over themselves to get to him, whooping with cheering in jubilation. It was several moments before they realised that the man they were dancing around was sobbing uncontrollably.
~*~
Draco stood in the smoke-filled gloom for a moment in quiet contemplation. The temptation to follow Harry was strong, but he needed to resist and finish the job he’d set out to do. Several complex spells later the Apparition shield collapsed in on itself and vanished. The departure point was sealed.
Draco turned to walk back along the passageway without the Bubble-Head Charm. Let Fate roll her dice and decide the outcome; he was too tired to care.
~Fin~
If you liked this, try the Epilogue.